someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
