Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
