You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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