i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
