Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
oh god the rape fog is back!
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
