i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
