where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I don't deserve a penis
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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