This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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