Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
