you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
