Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
