Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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