I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
