it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
