I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
