please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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