Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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