check it out our google latitudes are spooning
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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