i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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