I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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