I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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