I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
