Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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