it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize