Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
