Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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