Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
When are your genitals available?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
