You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
