I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
