And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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