She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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