No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
and you fell through a lawn chair
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
