Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
