if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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