A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
being pregnant is like rehab
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
