I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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