I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
