Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
