Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
