Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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