Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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