Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
