i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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