I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
