Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
sex in a hospital.. check
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
