WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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