In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
