I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
