ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
