addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
