i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
