Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
