Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
