Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
