Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
