we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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