Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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