she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Someone shit on the floor
i barfeds in our rink
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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