I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
